Wednesday, May 25, 2011


The battle of infertility causes so many different emotions within a person, it causes someone to be angry, sad, disappointed, anxcious etc. We feel angry that others can get pregnant just by thinking about it yet we struggle to understand why our bodies are not working. At what point does it become to much, at what point does the disappointment become too much to handle. People have told me that God will not give me more then I can handle, but how come I feel that I can not handle the disappointment anymore. I am so thrilled that others are getting their families, through adoption or pregnancy, but I am still hurting that they are getting what I want so deeply. I know that I already have a child, and I love him more then life itself, I know that some of my readers will say “you should be greatful that you have one” I am extremely greatful that I have my Ethan, but I so want another baby. I will continue to fight my fight in silence (except on here I can talk about it)

I am 5dpo today and holy emotional, I am not sure why I am so emotional. I am not sure what is going on. I am so greatful for everything that I have but I find myself struggling to get through my day today, maybe knowing that I am going to be starting AF in 10 days makes me really sad. I am not sure exactly. The husband and I have been making leaps and bounds as far as our marriage goes, we have been talking more and spending time with each other, we have been reading the Love Dare which is really opening things up for us, communication wise, although I am beginning to wonder if it is just a phase and I wonder if he is getting as much out of it as I am. We are currently on Day 5 (we have had a few days when life gets in the way) I really hope that we can make things better.

We have a meeting on Tuesday with our new churches pastor, I am very excited about this. It has been way to long since I have felt welcome in a church, I am very excited to become a member of this church. Well I guess that’s it for now…


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